Scared
My dear friends,<br><br>This is a long message
and I hope that someone can help me through these
feelings.<br><br>All during the weekend, I’ve had this overwhelming
fear of what is to come after my surgery (schedule for
November 30th).<br><br>First of all, I can’t imagine what
my life is going to be like after the surgery. I’ve
tried to set some goals, but everytime I’ve done this
in the past — I only fail at them. Is this going to
be the case after surgery. I know that I will lose
the extra weight, but what will life be like "on the
other side." I’ve always used food as a comforter.
Everytime I would feel bad or depressed, I would run to
food like a child runs and hides under the comforter
in bed. What do I do after my comforter is
gone?<br><br>My Mom, who lives with me, is certain that I
shouldn’t have this surgery and that all I need to do is
apply myself and then I will lose the weight. Everytime
I try to talk about my feelings, she has basically
said that it’s all my fault that I’m this heavy, and
she knows that having this surgery will not help me
in the least. In fact, it will probably make
everything worse.<br><br>I know that I’m making the right
decision, but I am still so worried about what’s going to
happen after. Is she going to try to sabotage my efforts
so that she can say "I told you so." If, after
eating a meal, she is going to say that I’m not doing it
right because I won’t eat large portions? Is she going
to say that I’m losing the weight to fast and that I
don’t know what I’m doing? My comforter will be gone
and I am not sure how to handle it.
July 3rd, 2003 at 12:19 pm
Mary,<br>First of all.. I want to wish you luck
You won’t be gaining
on your upcoming surgery!<br>Don’t worry about
setting goals. It’ll go quicker if you don’t obsess about
the weight loss. Harder to do than say.. I know. I am
an obsessee… :)<br>Anyway.. I try so hard not to
make goals for myself, and I just let my body take
over. It’s not going to be like the old diet routine..
it will be life changing.
all that weight back.. ever. :)<br>I think we all
used food as a sort of security. You will find another
security. Maybe keeping a journal will help, or starting a
hobby. :)<br>I know you love your mother, but she is
going to have to realize that you are an adult, capable
of making your own choices. She should realize that
you don’t deserve the treatment she is giving you.
You need all the support you can get right now. You
are going to have major surgery, and I would let her
know how important her support is. I would also tell
her that if she doesn’t want to support you that is
her desision, but she doens’t need to degrade you at
every chance .. I do hope the best for you. Things are
going to work out, and you will be so skinny and look
sooo great. I am happy for you. <br>Your
Friend,<br>Lisa B.
July 3rd, 2003 at 5:40 pm
I read your message and thought of how that
sounded so familiar. I was scared to death before going
in - it is only natural. I am 3 wks post-op now and
I have often questioned my decision to have this
surgery - The first weekend after my mom left I was
miserable - I was on pureed food and could not do any real
house projects as I could not bend or lift - I found
out how I used to eat because of sheer BOREDOM!!! I
could not believe it. I then regretted the surgery
because I wanted so much to eat some chips and dip and a
soda and watch tv or plan where we were going out to
dinner that night. I told my husband how I felt and
bless his heart he tried to make me feel better -
offered to go to a movie, etc. - Anyhow - once I got over
my pity trip (sometimes needed) I realized just how
much I was eating out of boredom and that really
surprised me. I then started thinking of why I was
overweight and what got me there. I started feeling better
and got over the feelings of regret real fast. I went
out to dinner this weekend for the first time - I had
a small piece of fish and some mashed potatoes. I
looked around at all the good stuff people were eating -
I felt a little anxious - like I wanted to dig in
and gorge - but then I thought, what is that for - 10
minutes of gorging just to put that much more weight and
depression into my life - is the food really worth it????
NO!!! I am down 23lbs. and am feeling great!! The food
is not worth it - WHat is - is that at Thanksgiving
I can sample all I want - and not feel like a
stuffed pig - not to have all my relative look at me and
think "what are you eating that much for", to go to my
work Christmas party wearing something nice that fits
and looks good, and most of all to be active in my
son’s life because of all the extra energy I have even
this soon after the surgery!!!<br><br>Ask me if I
would have the surgery again??? YES in a second. Even
with all the aprehensions from my family and friends -
YES!! My mom sounded the same as yours as she lost
weight through WW and has kept it off - She called me
today, excited none the less, to see how my dr. appt.
went. <br><br>Good Luck and hope to see you post after
the surgery!!! If you have not already - read through
the messages - There are lots of people who feel
scared and unsure and have not had the best support
system from family and friends - that is what we are all
here for. YOu will see that the majority of people
think the surgery was the best choice for
them.<br><br>Gera.
July 4th, 2003 at 4:22 am
Mary,If it makes you feel better I am scheduled
for Oct 25 or 26(next week) and I have all the same
fears. The first thing I discussed with the doctor was
how do I handle after the operation. I am meeting
with a psychologist tomorrow to help, I hope. In the
end, it is we who decide. I hope I have the strength,
maybe together we can give the strength to one another.
Get ready for a change. The operation won’t cure our
problems, but it can give us a second chance at life. We’ll
do it Mary. I wish us both luck.
July 4th, 2003 at 3:03 pm
Mary,<br> You are the Captain of the ship called
Mary’s body. You decide what is best for it. We’re
talking long term, healthy living verses living in
constant shame and "should have, could have, if only I’d
lost weight, etc." You can’t turn away from something
that is going to be the key to your longevity. You
need to have a healthy seperation from your mother. It
sounds like you have a dependancy on her to tell you
what you need to do with your life. I’m asking you
gently to take your own path. Head in the direction that
gives you the greatest pleasure. Sure, Mom has her
opinion, but take it as that, an opinion. Acknowledge it,
but don’t adopt it. Create your own. God gave you
this body to be in charge of. He is also guiding you
toward this surgery so that you can get better control.
<br> As for the comfort issue, perhaps you might want
to get a phone buddy, support group, church
friends?, any link to the community of human love out
there! You can rely on us, you can rely on God! You are
being led, if you didn’t realize it, to understand that
you can rely on yourself! This surgery is the
birthing of your independance and self-awareness. You’re
going to love it because it will give you the power you
need to fulfill those lonely, vacant areas of your
life. <br> Now, lift up your head, say a long and
thought-filled prayer, realize that God doesn’t make mistakes
and you’re not one, and live your life day by day.
Your true purpose for living will be born after the
days you spend recuperating from this surgery. I
believe God is going to give you the answers and comfort
you need while you recover. Be open to His conscious
presence. Peace to you.<br><br>Tim