Spouses support
I had my surgery on 11/5/99 and have lost 80
pounds. I feel wonderful and have a great time tossing
out all my "fat" clothes that now just hang on me. My
husband Jim followed my lead and had surgery on 2/3/00.
He has lost about 65 pounds now. I cant stress the
importance of having support while going through this
surgery. <br><br>For the 3 months after my surgery (and
still today)I couldnt look at food the same way i used
to. I became a finatical label reader and avid
researcher. My husband continued his poor eating habbits and
called me a "food Nazi". I was repulsed by his disregard
for the foods he ate. He had a pending surgery and
was eating alot out of nervousness, and it made me
ill to watch him. Sugar, sodium, fat….I couldnt
stand it even being in my house.<br><br>Since his
surgery, he looks at food differently too…Thank GOD!! If
I had had my surgery and he had not, it would have
meant big time marital issues between us. I couldnt
stand his eating habbits any longer. I wanted to toss
him out.<br><br>This is why it is so important to
have a considerate mate who will consider eating
healthier and making changes with you. This surgery does
things to your head….all for the better of course, and
to have a mate that indulges infront of you
constantly is a sure way to sabotage your success.<br><br>My
advise to anyone considering surgery is to make sure
their spouse can handle your change in attitude and
agree to change a little with you, or at least do his
or her indulging someplace else.<br><br>God Bless to
all, Michelle St Claire
November 19th, 2003 at 12:31 pm
Michelle,<br>Thanks for the tips. I think I need
to stress this more to my skin-n-lean husband who
can eat EVERYTHING at ANYTIME and not gain a thing.
Especially since I am the cook. I would LOVE to hear from
more of you, on what you do, many of you I am sure,
have children (I do not) but how do you cook for a
family once you have had your surgery? Maybe it will be
OK, but I would like to hear from you who are
expiriencing it now!
November 19th, 2003 at 5:52 pm
KLWeibeRandall..name?, <br>Your husband will have
to arrange for his own dinner at first. It is
completely unfair for you to have to cook dinner that you
cannot indulge in. If he cannot understand this, then he
is not being supportive. Im sure he will understand
though.At first, you will be on liquids only, and then
slowly incorporate bland foods, then others. For you to
slave over a pizza/taco/whatever dinner just isnt
right. Hes a big boy right?<br> As for down the line…
you will be such a picky eater that he may not really
like what you make anymore. You will cut sodium, fats,
and definately sugars to the point that you like it,
but he may not. My husband and I do our own thing
now. He feeds himslef and so do I. That way there is
no disputes and I can always eat what/how/when I
want. It works well for us, and we do our own dishes
too. Now I dont have to worry about dinner and the
whole mess after a long days work.
November 19th, 2003 at 11:13 pm
Hi,<br> My name is lisa and my husband and I are
considering WLS. We told our PCP 2-29-00 and have an appt. on
june 5 with Dr.Murr in Tampa(we live in
gainesville,Fl). I can only hope for my sake that my husband will
be approved, because I can imagine him acting the
same as yours prior to surgery. I should be approved
since I have hypertension, edema, asthma, sleep apnea
and bmi 45. My husband only has his wt and bmi>40.
He acts very wearey right now not knowing, while I’m
trying to be very positive. I was not going to tell many
people at work or friends, but I gradually have told
several and am glad I did. Telling everyone has helped me
be more confident in my decision and I tell them I’m
going to do this, I’m just not sure of the date or if
it will be laporoscopic or open. Anyway good luck
with your continued success and building a stronger
bond with your husband (which should undoubtedly occur
after all you’ve done together to support each
other).<br> lisa
November 20th, 2003 at 4:34 am
I’m Sorry! My name is Karen…<br>I know he (Ian)
will eventually have to deal with it, it will probably
do him a world of good taking care of himself. I’d
want to prepare him though, for the changes. He needs
to know how this will affect "us". We usually only
eat one meal together and that is dinner. He works
nights and I work days, so it is our connection time- I
still want to be together during this time, but he will
have to either eat MY dinner or make his own. Or I
could make his a different variation of my own- and
vice versa. He is usually sleeping though, while
dinner is being made. Thanks for any and all
advice!<br>KR
November 20th, 2003 at 8:59 am
I had to laugh at this response… the other
night i had a "date" over to dinner… and as he ohhed
and ahhhed over my cooking he asked the kids if I
always cooked from scratch and so great… well my
daughter responded, "she always cooks from scratch and is
a great cook, but she hasn’t cooked in
months-except for the holiday meals" I had to chuckle because
it is really funny and important to have SOMEONE
else responsible for cooking for awhile… and after 7
months, I am just reaching that point!<br>Cindy
November 20th, 2003 at 3:15 pm
Cindy,<br>When you do cook a meal like that- or
say bake cookies for your kids, what’s it like? Do
you care? I mean, what do you think about while doing
it? I like to bake ( I like to create basically) and
I don’t always feel the need to eat what I bake, I
am just wondering if I will even want to bake
again… I am all for leaving the kitchen/cooking in the
hands of others :)<br>Karen
November 20th, 2003 at 7:40 pm
Karen,<br>I have to tell you even before the
surgery, when I baked I never really wanted to eat it
after… I think it has to do with the smells, the
textures and being totally immersed in the food for hours
that I really feel SATISFIED after I have baked. So it
is still not a problem in that manner. I actually
baked a few dozen cookies this past week for my family
and the kids in the neighborhood. I like to bake and
I am quite good at it. Now the only thing that I
did have a hard time was for New Year’s eve I did a
large party (180) at my church and I did all the
cooking… I also baked bell sugar cookies for days, as I
had to make over 600 cookies of different sizes and
shapes. THAT I had a difficult time with. I think it was
because i had never used that recipe and they LOOKED
hard… and I couldn’t taste one to know if they were
coming out okay. I am now to the point that I would go
ahead and put a VERY SMALL piece in my mouth… but
only for the checking… I am not interested in
getting sick.<br><br>Now cooking is a different thing all
together. During the holidays I worked all day and then had
4 bites… it was a let down on my end.. but
everyone else enjoyed it and that made me happy. I am also
getting used to buying a lot less. I pretty much DON’T
eat… my son likes cheeseburgers (everyday) and my
daughter is a vegan… so my cooking choices are very
limited… and I am still cooking for a family… yet in
reality there are only 3 of us and with the way we all
eat.. I ALWAYS cook way too much!<br><br>I would for
now leave all the cooking to others.. It took me
several months before I even cooked anything… and now I
cook as little as possible! It is not as satisfying
for me so I usually only do it when I am having
someone over that will appreciate the WORK that I put
into it… since I DON’T eat! My friends now all joke
me on my eating habits, like the other day the all
bet on how many bites it would take before I am
DONE… My boyfriend says I just eat all the time… but
only like a bird! All of that is okay, because I feel
great! Just give yourself time… and keep others doing
the food until YOU feel up to it!<br>Cindy
November 21st, 2003 at 1:57 am
Thanks Cindy,<br>I think I see what you are
saying, and hopefully I still will be able to do these
things like I currently do now- but it’s not gonna kill
me to change. It is beyond wierd to think of food
consumption in bites! It sounds too good to be true
:)<br>Karen
November 21st, 2003 at 7:18 am
I loved to bake before my surgery, and I usually
ate most of what I baked too. Now, after my surgery,
I still like to bake but I don’t want all the food
in my house as a temptation to me. So, I usually try
to bake something that I can send away with my
husband or kids. I will bake cookies for my daughter to
take to preschool, or I will decorate a sheet cake for
my husband to take to work. I have tried various
sugar-free cookie recipies, but so far haven’t found any
that I liked at all. If anyone has any good sugar-free
cookie recipies, I would love to see them. Lynn
November 22nd, 2003 at 9:06 am
Lynn, I am working on some… right now I have
done sugar-free pies, and breads (like zucchini and
pumpkin) I will let you know what I find… but i have to
be honest… I really like chocolate chips, so I
miss them terribly! Oh well I love my body though, so
what a trade!<br>Cindy
November 22nd, 2003 at 3:22 pm
Cindy<br> If you love chocolate you can always
use the carob chips I have and they are alomst as
good and the real thing.<br> I would love the recipe
for the S F zucchini and pumpkin breads I have made
many of the using Frutose in place of the sugar but
Ifind them to be a little dryer. I also have gotten
some sugar free cook books at the book store and have
found them to be pretty good. If I can abe any help
please let me know.<br> <br>Pat in Mi
November 22nd, 2003 at 8:43 pm
I finally got my doctor appt. I go to meet doctor
on 1 on 1 on 4/18. Do any of you have any advice on
what to ask him? I’ll also be finding out about what
our insurance covers. I’m one step closer. I hope he
is someone easy to talk to. Thanks, Barbie