Comments on: Suicide

By: Neva Marjory

Neva Marjory — Thu, 04 Dec 2003 13:05:25 +0000

Hi Cynthia

You haven’t had the surgery
yet, and you already noticed a change in your
husband.

Maybe because my husband and I have a very open
communication that I can speak on a man’s view on this
operation.

I have not had the operation yet, and I too felt a
change in him more attentive showering me with gifts and
wanting to take me out dinning.

Things that
normaly we would be happy to eat at home. Rent
blockbuster movies. One call a day before he came home to let
me know he was on his way.

#1. I was
switching focus from him and the kids to just
me.

#2. I was obsessed with four support groups, specking
to everyone and anyone on line.

#3. I was
really to busy to be bothered and I figured, this was my
time and I was due this. So obviously, I didn’t take

the extra attention for what it was.

I was
changing. I had packed my family for this train ride by
letting them know that I wanted it and why. They agreed
and packed also.

But I was leaving them at the
terminal to take the next train. (Oh they could take the
next train and catch up.

I was being
selfish.

A spouse does what comes natural. There just trying
to find out were they fit in a changing
enviroment.

Why do I say this. He use to say things like you know
you don’t have to have this surgery. I love you the
way you are. Your a great mother. Are you sure you
want to have this surgery? Then one day he said we
should take a family picture while we still can. That
hit me hard. When I asked my husband what’s up with
all this take me out bussiness. A trip to walt
disney, I told him he was just smothering me. Do you
think I’m gonna leave you…cause I’m not!!!

He
stood silent and looked at me. He said
What if your
that one percent. How am I suppose to go on without
you. What about me and the kids(WE have two daughters
12 and 8).

I was thinking of me…

He
was thinking of me…

Remember this operation
is a risk. One that we take for granted and are
willing to take. Because we have lived with it have
always been miserable inside of it. We see it as our
last hope to have a normal life.

Your true
loved ones can’t see past the operation only the
risks.

Since this conversation with him. We have grown more
closer than I ever though imaginable.

He’s on the
train with me now, sitting with me at my side. I stop
obscessing over the operation. I only participate in this
supportgroup that has been wonderful.

We talk more and
love more.

And I see my operation, thru his
eyes….

Remember in a marriage you evolve in time.

With
this operation you change physically, mentally, and
spiritually in 6 months. Gosh it takes two hundred miles to
break in new brakes.

It takes 40 weeks for a
person to be developed and born.

Before you even
though of this operation. Would you have liked it if he
said to you, you need to have your head examined. I’m
not gonna leave you?

Put yourself in his
place.

Find out what’s really bothering
him..

Don’t leave your loved one behind…..

again I
just want to say this is my opinion only.

Take
care Nancy

By: Neva Marjory

Neva Marjory — Thu, 04 Dec 2003 02:23:51 +0000

I totally agree with the statement that our
spouses should also have a psych evaluation prior to our
surgeries. Now I had my hubby come with me during mine and
all he said was he wants me to feel better ect. But
now as surgery day is approaching he’s acting weird.
He’s all clingy, want’s to know where I’ve been every
second of the day and even pops in on me at work like
he’s checking to make sure no men are talking to me.
I’ve told him he needs to go see my shrink and work
out his fears because I know that’s what it is. He’s
afraid I’ll leave him after I lose the weight. I keep
telling him no way. He’s also going to have a problem
with men paying attention to me. This may sound
egotistic but I know I will look good around Christmas and
he can’t even handle men talking to me now. I have

another psych appt. May 15 so I’m gonna take him with me
again and maybe start working on HIS
issues.

Cynthia
Pre-op
Open RNY
June 2, 2000

By: Neva Marjory

Neva Marjory — Wed, 03 Dec 2003 15:42:16 +0000

One word…"WOW!"

By: Neva Marjory

Neva Marjory — Wed, 03 Dec 2003 10:21:29 +0000

Hi Stclaire2000

Before I start let me say
this is my opinion only. I am in the process of having
Lap RNY I am 5′1 and weight 325 pounds.

I
weighted 200 when my husband and I married 15years
ago.

I didn’t like myself before I met him and I didn’t
learn to like myself till I realized that being
overweight was not entirely my fault.

Other than not
liking myself which I have never displayed to anyone
else but myself. I am a jolly person who loves to
laugh and help other people.

My husband has
loved me……always every ounce. Which I have always
found remarkable.

He has always stood by me
when my own family mother included have ridiculed me
for my weight. When I was 6 months pregnant the nurse
was very rude to me and he put her in her

place.

He has always let me know that I am his everything.
I have wanted this surgery for years and it took
him two solid years to finally get his
approval.

Because he had to see me through my eyes. You see I am
and have always been a strong independent woman. I
went to ultrasound school, a month after giving birth
to my second child. I also had a three year old at
the time. I went to school full time during the day.
Took care of my girls and at 10pm at night worked
part-time till 2:00am and redid the cycle for 2 solid
years.

So he has always seen me as a strong woman who could
do anything if I applied myself.

But I can’t
lose the weight. And my health is deteriorating. He
finally came to terms with this operation. He knows it is
for the best.

What I am trying to say is that.
For the ninteen years, he has loved me, stood by me
and supported me through thick and thicker. As I
gained the One hundred and eighty pounds. He did not
leave me for another. Even as we grew apart, because I
was ashamed of myself. He always stood by
me.

If I were to lose the weight and do the things that
I have only fantasized thinking only of myself
would that be fair??????

I don’t think so…
Sometimes because we don’t like ourselves we settle into
making someone else happy.

The same way, I was
insecure all these years and he always gave me a little
more extra attention to make me feel secure. That is
what we have to do in return.

It is hard for
anyone to deal with change. Any kind of change is a
threat and always is an insecure feeling.

Be
aware of it. Shower your spouse with more affection.
For every pound you lose work on making it work.
Remember you are the one that is changing. This is what
you want. The problem starts when you want them to
change. If he has never been a romantic don’t expect it.
If he has never been active don’t expect it. If he
doesn’t want to change his eating habits don’t fight over
it. YOU are the one that changed…..

If you
couldn’t stop eating
If you weren’t active
If you
weren’t more loving or romantic and they didn’t try to
change you, why would you want them
too…………

I’m sorry to hear about your friends spouse.
Obviously there was more there than we know.

P.S.
Men don’t marry big women because they will be
faithful, or are undesirable to other men, or make better
housewife.

They marry them because there beautiful, desirable,
and intelligent.

By: Neva Marjory

Neva Marjory — Tue, 25 Nov 2003 09:53:06 +0000

I do believe you have a good point there. Every
marriage is different, so end result will be different, I
guess the best thing is to be considerate of your
partner’s feelings. Counseling (just communicating) works
wonders, alievates fears and brings us closer. I am
thinking my husband may want to show me off, or at least I
am hoping. I tease him about how I will look, and
will he bring me home some sexy lingerie? As I will
WANT to wear it for him! I think we will be able to do
all the things together that he does alone because
currently I am too embarrassed to go. But your topic is
definitly something to discuss with the spouse!

By: Neva Marjory

Neva Marjory — Sun, 23 Nov 2003 20:27:35 +0000

I can definately understand how the other partner
would feel. I am not married and just recently told my
boyfriend that I was considering this. His ex-wife left him
after she lost a considerable amount of weight. He is
very supportive though and said he wants me to be
happy. My son is somewhat concerned about how this would
affect him. He freaked out when I told him there
wouldn’t be snacks in the house! He is somewhat
overweight also, and I explained that we would have to eat
better snacks, healthier ones. He is very supportive for
11 yrs. and is very excited about starting an
excercise program. Thanks for the advice. Linda