Ebb and flow
To all,
I tend to be rather self-introspective, analytical, and usually enjoy putting in
writing what I am thinking. I am counting down to the scheduled surgery date of
August 22nd. So many things run through my mind and heart. Part of me feels
determined, set upon a course of my choosing, with reliance on God’s grace, with
the goal in mind of overcoming the most besetting problem of my life, my
weight. Having lost and gained 100 or more pounds several times on varying
diets, I researched and decided upon the surgery. Having researched, I
determined that open RNY surgery was the safest choice. I chose a surgeon who
happened to be contemplating dropping Aetna USHealthcare as an acceptabl
insurance carrier. He didn’t want to do the Open method, but it didn’t matter
that much to me. I was told I would probably be the last one to squeeze through.
To make a long story short, I went through the many tests (and copays)
required, only to be told that they don’t accept Aetna UShealthcare anymore.
So, back to square one. I found a surgeon, this time in Virgiinia, and this one
only did Open surgery, as opposed to the Laproscopic, which Dr. Barry Greene
preferred. So, I went to Dr. Osvaldo Anez in Virginia, who got great "reviews"
on the obesityhelp.com website. Because of all the delays, there were tests I
would have to take again.
I was told that the earliest date was in October. I got scheduled for September
18th, but told them that I would be available to do it on a day’s notice on
standby. Two days later, I got a call asking if I wanted to move it up to
August 22nd. I said yes. I actually got a call a few days later asking if I
wanted to schedule it a week earlier. I said no to that one. Anyway, there is
part of me that feels like I am being swept along on this irreseistable, moving
current ending up with a radically changed life. There is part of me that is
optimistic, based on many testimonies and examples provided here and other
places. But, there is a partt of me that is deeply pessimistic and almost
grieving about the prospect of such radical change from ways developed over most
of my life. At the age of 54, change is not as easy, as welcomed or as
appealing as earlier in life. There is a fear that I will regret having chosen
to make it impossible to enjoy food in the way I have been accustomed to my
whole life. At that point, I remind myself that this way has led to diabetes,
lack of mobility, and many other physical limitations that have affected my
enjoyment of life. My greatest anxiety in the approaching days leading to
surgery is my back problems. I am afraid of not being able to be mobile enough
immediately after surgery. I have a herniated disk, and related sciatic nerve
pain, that makes it difficult and painful to walk sometimes. I don’t know what
it will feel like after surgery. So, all in all, I am trusting God to give me
grace to go through it all, and come out where He wants me to be.
Well, anyway, if you read this far, I thank you, and appreciate being able to
share my thoughts.
Take care,
Danny
March 16th, 2006 at 9:38 pm
Danny, best of luck with your surgery - just a month or so away.. I think you
are right, you will come out of it where you are supposed to be.
Re: your back pain - some of it may be helped by the surgery, some may not.
That’s one of those depends things. The only concern I have for you is that
you will need to walk after the surgery, or at least rotate the ankles and use
those wierd pressure legs thingies, to prevent blood clots.
Good luck, my prayers are with you as you go this last month to your surgery.
Pam in Niceville